Almost three weeks on

Slowing getting used to the rhythm of the morning shift.

The worst part of the shift is being rudely woken up, usually when I am in the middle of a dream, by the loud ringing of the alarm. And then dragging myself out of bed. My sleepiness usually takes about 10 minutes to disperse. Taking the bus and then walking to work is somehow depressing, maybe because of the dark. I try to counter my depression by praying, praying that I will remember to be mindful of my thoughts, feelings and body throughout this day, and praying that I will be able to somehow translate these into creative images, words and wit. Praying.

I start my shift with bedmaking, while the juniors trolley bathed the patients. Bedmaking is endurable if I take it as a purely physical activity. If I remember to concentrate on my body movements, to concentrate on my body movements. And then it's dressing time, something I quite enjoy, maybe because I used to do it in the acute setting. When I finish, it's around 10am, and I walk over to the hospital nearby for an early lunch. It is a mini-highlight of my shift. A time I enjoy. I try to remind myself to eat slowly, since there is plenty of time. Somehow, I cannot manage to stretch it more than five minutes. 10 minutes is an achievement. Something I can work on.

Then it's back to the ward -- time for sitting around, chitchatting with the other nurses, and writing or rather copying the previous reports. After which it's the next medication round. And then it's time for my second break. I usually try to have a fruit, and not a snack. I have been eating too much. Again, I must remind myself to eat slowly, to stretch my eating time, to taste my food, to have a conversation with my food. When I get out, it's almost time to pass over. I feel anticipation in the air. My mood lifts. When 2.30 finally strikes, I get out as fast as I can.

The best part of my day has began. I usually take a cup of milk tea and just chill -- write, doddle, read.

Yes, I think I can live with the morning shift. It's the afternoon shift that gets to me.

What do I do with all those free time?