Work has been getting me down

It's been a while since I posted. The truth is, work has been getting me down.

Or to be more specific, one particular person at work, this senior staff nurse, has been getting me down. I have never been so picked on in my life. Never been made to feel so inadequate and stupid.


Just the day before, a patient's urinary catheter was blocked and the doctor needed a 50cc syringe to flush the tube. I opened the packet and took out the syringe with my hands. Immediately, she shrieked, "You should throw the tube into the sterile field!" I retorted, "But the doctor's hand is not sterile!" She insisted however, and I had to throw away a clean syringe.


Earlier in the shift, she barked at me for leaving a folder open. "Can you please close the folder? I am not your maid to have to do everything for you."


These are but just two of countless similar episodes. I may see her for only about half an hour a day during the changing of shift, but somehow, she would manage to get me down during that short time.

I am at my wit's end. I have tried to buffer myself with thoughts along the lines of, "Nobody can make me unhappy without my permission". I have turned to self-help books on how to be more assertive. Manuel Smith's no 1. assertive right is, I have the right to judge my own behaviour, thoughts and emotions, and to take responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon myself.
And so far, I think my behaviour has been above board.
I have not done anything that is not in keeping with a new nurse. I don't need to feel bad about myself.

I think I have been so bothered by this person because I have never met someone who has only bad things to say about me. My ego cannot take it? It is also emotionally exhausting.
Whatever it is, I will not allow her to make me feel bad about myself again. As Smith said, I have the right to judge my own behaviour. As long as I behave in an appropriate manner, I won't be bothered by her hot bluster.